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THE ONE TRUE FAITH

Ejism

Founded in the aftermath of the Great Weed Shortage of Acton, 2074
The Saviour
EJ

Ezekiel James Alcon

He Who Clarted the Aripill • Keeper of the Eternal Flame • Saviour of Acton

In the dark days of the 2074 drought, when the streets of Acton ran dry, EJ walked into the void and clarted an aripill in the presence of seventeen witnesses. The smoke rose. The people were saved. Everything was fine.

Core Doctrine
The Holy Commandment
Three pull, then pass
The Sacred Truth
Everything is fine, until it's not
The Great Heresy
Bogarting the zoot
The Miracle of the Aripill
As written in the First Scroll of Alcon: "And lo, the tins were empty, the man at the shop shook his head, and despair fell upon the land. But EJ reached into his pocket and produced the aripill, and he clarted it before them all, and the people saw that it was good."
The Alconites

The faithful. Devoted disciples bound by the circle. An Alconite will die before letting the zoot tunnel. They greet one another with the sacred phrase:

"Three and pass. EJ provides."
Calendar & Observances
Day of the Clart
Anniversary of the miracle. Full communal circle mandatory.
The Dry Fast
One day per year without. To remember the darkness before EJ.
The Hour of Fine
Daily. A moment of stillness in which Alconites acknowledge that, currently, everything is fine.
Feast of the Twenty
Alconites pool funds. SlimeTrim honoured. Pilgrimage to Harlesden.
Kay's Judgement Day
Annual pilgrimage to Harlesden. Face the Soul Judge.

"He clarted it. We were saved. Three pulls, then pass."

— Book of EJ, Chapter 1, Verse 1 (the only verse)